"The New Paradigm of the Sexy Man"© by Kathleen Grandfield

When you hear the words “sexy man,” what thoughts do they conjure up? Just what is it that gives a man sex appeal? Many times sex appeal is defined in terms of the physical body. “Players” with an unparalleled charm…tall, handsome hunks with deep penetrating eyes that mentally undress us sending chills down our spine. With their hard, buff bodies and edgy personality players have, in the past, successfully seduced the knickers off us. OK, I admit that I am guilty of being beguiled by their charms. But I am now determined, with your help, to give the term sexy man a new definition. By getting rid of preconceived societal notions of what makes a man sexy, we could completely create a new paradigm of the sexy man as one who embodies balance in his life; someone who cherishes their relationship and nurtures it instead of sport dating and one night stands.

Over the past month I have interviewed women in their 20’s through their late 60’s. I invited them to share with me their thoughts and views on what a sexy man looked like to them. Here are some of the results of the survey:

A Sexy Man is….

One who knows himself on a soul level
One who possesses inner peace
One who knows who he is
One who is aligned with his authentic self
Comfortable in his own skin
Respectful of a woman’s opinions
One who is sensitive to a woman’s needs
One who is not afraid to show his vulnerability
Spiritually connected
Confident but not egotistical
Someone who values time with his family
One who is not afraid to admit his mistakes
One who is not afraid to say he’s sorry
One who is willing to make the extra effort to nurture a relationship
One who is willing to make sacrifices for his family
One who is as comfortable working on a peace mission in a third-world country as working in a boardroom
A good listener
Intelligent
Generous
Protective
Humorous
Tender
Patient
Sincere
Ambitious

One attribute of the sexy man that came resounding through is that he is not afraid of commitment….think of President Barack Obama, Sting, Pierce Brosnan, Hugh Jackman, and Jon Hamm. Not only do they not shy away from long-term commitment but they publicly embrace it. For a while, commitment and marriage were not in the sexy man’s vocabulary. Somewhere along the way, commitment and masculinity were deemed mutually exclusive. Enter Bradley Boyd... who, after hearing of his friends unsuccessful attempts at finding long-term relationships, created the new website SetforMarriage.com. Bradley wanted to dedicate the site to those who were tired of the sport dating of some of the other popular dating sites. The site is devoted exclusively to those who want to find the perfect mate who also has the desire to be in a committed relationship with the goal of marriage. It is not only Bradley Boyd shifting the paradigm but Alex Wellen, author of the novel “Lovesick” and CNN award-winning producer, has chronicled the new shift by interviewing men on how they approach commitment and marriage. Surprisingly enough, dozens have said they’ve fantasized about popping the question and getting married. Be still my heart…there is hope for this single girl at last!

And so it appears that the delicate balance of being sexy and embracing commitment has occurred. This has opened the door for all kinds of wonderful attributes to be accepted and recognized as sexy. See guys…you can relax now. The pressure is off. You can be sexy even if you don’t have six-pack abs. If you are intelligent, in touch with your authentic self, and embracing your life’s mission—it doesn’t get sexier than that!